A glimmer of definition — Sangha is a verb pt 2
My recent contribution to the Shambhala Sun’s discussions about the “unaffiliated” Buddhist has really spurred me into thinking a lot about my spiritual identity and the way I came to see Buddhism as a significant path.
For most of my life I have been quite comfortable as a spiritual vagabond. I did not have a sense of anything lacking. I felt quite content and whole just the way I was. When I encountered Buddhism I thought I would try something different and began exploring the Zen path (as this felt the most like me as I saw it through the eyes of Brad Warner) and I started taking periodic classes at the closest Soto Zen center to where I live…and yes I realize even having a Zen center or a Buddhist sangha nearby is a luxury many don’t have. I found that the newness of having similar minded others nearby became rather a rather heady prospect and I began to value this place over my own internal sense of direction. I began to measure my relative sense of value by how closely I was or was not following a traditional path. I began craving “affiliation”. Now if you remember the posts up til now, inappropriate craving or clinging or shenpa, is the surest path to stay hooked into the suffering of samsara…even if it’s positive clinging, it’s still clinging.
I began to devalue my “unaffiliated” status and feel really uncomfortable about it. That’s why when this discussion post came up, it really not only rattled my cage but broke through a pattern I wasn’t even aware of at the time. I saw clearly that I like being a rogue. I saw clearly that Siddhartha didn’t have have dharma and sangha, he didn’t have refuge…he sat and he found it himself. He was the ultimate unaffiliated Buddhist! I think this is why I find Dharma Punx a good fit for me. It feels like a gathering of the unaffiliated to sit and be ok with our unaffiliation (yeah it ain’t a word, remember I’m from Texas and we make shit up like that). It fits my gay identity of being unaffiliated. I am awash in unaffiliation and I love it. It means that I have to walk my Dirty Dharma path every moment of every day because that’s where I’m going to wake up, that’s where I’m going to be a bodhisattva, that’s where I’m going to find and live the intersection of Spirit and Matter…not because someone approves of me because I went through the proper ceremony.
Sangha is a verb. You work it, you live it every moment of every day. You work it with the bum on the street, with your parents, with your kids, with your friends, with your significant other, with your momentary hook ups, with the other people on the highway…with yourself. Sangha is much more than what happens inside four walls with rituals and ceremonies…sangha is where the rubber meets the road, ya’ll and I’m driving an unaffiliated car.
yeah…a little fired up right now LOL feeling a little lost in this midlife redefining of myself has lead me to really appreciate and savor moments of clarity, so I have to cut them in deep relief and make sure they don’t get lost.
Sangha is a verb
The magazine Shambhala Sun has a new discussion up regarding the “unaffiliated Buddhist” that I just posted to. Unaffiliated would mean, not associated with or participating in a certain sangha (Buddhist community). Since this has been a topic of deep contemplation for me, I thought I would post my discussion contribution on the magazine site here on my blog (below in blue). I also, while posting to Shambhala Sun, saw another blogger who really caught my eye and he’s definitely worth checking out. I certainly have him plugged into my Google Reader now…http://zendirtzendust.wordpress.com/
Thank you so much for this awesome topic that is currently so near and dear to me. I have been what I call a spiritual vagabond for many years. During this time (I’m 40 now) I had an organically growing sense in me, as I explored many different spiritual paths, that I am (and we are) part of an interconnected whole. It was 2 years ago when I got exposed to Buddhism that I realized that my personal path had been written down over the past 2600 years.
This put me on the direction of Buddhism and I like to call myself Buddhist. I have taken classes at a Zen center in the nearest big city and I attend a recently created Dharma Punx sangha there as well. In doing this I have been struggling with what feels very natural to me…that being a solitary practitioner…and a sangha member. One the one hand sangha feels like a natural extension and component of the practice (and sanghas will certainly agree to that), yet on the other hand, (and the stronger feeling I have) practice is something to be integrated into my daily life from the largest things (dealing with death, skillfully handing being single and dating/sex, caring for family, etc) to the littlest things (how I brush my teeth, stirring my coffee, talking to friends, etc).
Ultimately I feel that there is a balance between the two but I have no idea where that balance lies for me. I have a feeling that the strongest component will always be my personal day to day practice that grows and evolves organically as it always has. I find the Buddhist teachings and practices (I focus mainly on Soto Zen as a core) builds the most complete and solid foundation I have ever found to date whether a sangha has been present in it or not.
What I’m organically coming to understand is that sangha is a verb. It is an activity I engage in and that includes interacting with people (Buddhist and non Buddhist), reading books, listening to dharma talks, sitting zazen twice a day (minimum), extending myself to help others (thru physical and non physical presence such as my blog), and following the mindfulness trainings/precepts.
As I’m writing this, I feel very good about being “unaffiliated” because right now it feels as if being unaffiliated with one sangha or tradition, means I am affiliated with the universe…and that’s a cool feeling.
