‘Bout a quart low on Zen
Friday nights are always hard for me. I’m tired from the week and very often near an introverted meltdown trying to find enough silence and solitude to recharge my batteries.
Some of these times are worse than others, but lately I’ve had so many irons in the fire that I’m just particularly fried this Friday night. I haven’t been on the cushion to meditate in a couple weeks either and that means too much Honey Badger attitude and lots of listening to Adele.
The benefits of a regular meditation practice for me are never set in such clear detail as when I DON’T do it for a while. Someone told me in the distant past that this would be true. In my particular way of going through life, I figured they were just full of shit.
I’ve always been the one to take the hard way. I should get an honorary diploma from the school of hard knocks for excelling in independent study.
So I’m hanging out with myself tonight. I’ve got 3 books (I hope that’s all) that I’m supposed to be reading for review. I got my license to teach Zumba a few days ago, so I’m also practicing a lot of choreography…dorky white guy style hell yes…oh, and listening to Adele.
Wow, I totally hear you, Honey Badger…. I’ve had a stretch of being mostly absent from the zafu over the past few weeks too, and I definitely feel the difference. I’m ‘crunchier,’ more prone to depression and anger, and just all around not so happy a person. I get in these phases occasionally… I think the difference is now I don’t get so judgmental about myself and harsh on myself for doing this — I simply notice causes and effects, and that’s usually enough to inspire me back to practice. And I remember my vow to end suffering for all beings INCLUDING myself.
Sharing a fried Friday right along with ya!
February 18, 2012 at 1:42 am
I’m glad that you and Maia wrote about this. . . the process can seem lonely when you have no one to affirms that they often feel things like this.
Thanks for humanizing the practice.
And I love the last sentence of Maia’s statement… the reminder that we are one of those beings that we are wishing for the end of suffering for….
Peace.
February 18, 2012 at 6:35 am